Surf's Up At Waipu

William's first family holiday

Originally published 12 March 2017

It had been a while since we went away somewhere for a few days; all the way back 18 months ago when we went to Australia, in fact. So it was high time that Mummy and Daddy took me away on an adventure of chaos and glorious misbehaving. In other words - a family holiday.

And just to ensure that we all set our chaos meters at maximum, it would be the first such holiday for baby William. How would he take to sleeping in a different cot? Sitting through long car journeys? Not having all his things around him? Only time and Daddy's rising blood pressure would tell.

The destination this time was somewhere called Waipu. I was immediately suspicious that this was a silly made-up place. Why poo? Sounded like a trick was being played. But turns out it is a real place with a big long beach, and Mummy had booked us a holiday house there. So we packed up our togs, sunscreen and summer clothes, got in the car and headed north.

Naturally the first afternoon we got there it rained quite heavily. Excellent - no umbrella or wet weather gear packed at all. Could be a long holiday... Luckily as soon as the clouds went away, the sun came out for the whole rest of the time. Perfect weather for swmming and playing on the beach.

Waipu's a pretty small place, so there's not heaps to do there, but there was a cool waterfall. We had to drive for what seemed like ages down this rocky road, then walk through a forest track, but the waterfall at the end was cool. Absolutely freezing in fact - the water collected in the pool made my feet feel numb when I splashed into it. There were a few other people exploring at the same time as us, though not all of them were dressed quite like we were; one lady's clothes must have shrunk in the cold...

When we weren't out and about, there was a goldmine of toys and books at the holiday house. Tucked into a cupboard were a couple of big boxes packed with toys. Two minutes after discovering them, the boxes were promptly unpacked and spread across the floor. Now it's starting to feel a bit like home. There was a passionfruit vine in the garden, so we raided that and enjoyed some yummy fruit too.

We had a fun dinner out one night too, at a place called Pizza Barn. It serves pizza and is decorated a bit like a big barn, with huge stuffed animals and fish mounted on the walls - what's not to like? I found the stuffed animal heads fascinating, just imagining them out in the fields a long time ago.

So that was our holiday in Waipu. And we were having so much fun I almost forgot to misbehave. William slept, well, like a baby in his new cot, and didn't mind the car journeys at all. We had a great time and managed to still be friends at the end of it. Pretty good for a family holiday - many weekends aren't that successful!

Here Comes the Sun

What I did on my summer holidays

Originally published 13 February 2017

Once daycare has finished for the year and Santa has gone back home again, it means it's time for summer holidays to start. It's the best time of year to kick back and relax; to get rid of all those things you didn't really want to do. Like wearing clothes. So why not get the holidays underway in comfort and style - riding my bike without wearing any clothes, just a sweet pair of sunnies.

When it was time to take some of this coolness away from home, we all packed up and went off on a few daytrips. On one of these we met up with another family and went to the zoo. I said that I wanted to see the tigers first, and we got there just in time to see one up close, walking right past the window. I enjoyed seeing all the anmals, except the spiders; Daddy's right - too many legs and too creepy.

Another day we visited the Silverdale Adventure Park, where I got to ride on a pirate ship and a rocket with Daddy. The only ride Mummy got was on the drive there - she looked after William all day. There was also a cool indoor playground with lots of things to climb up and slide down, plus a trampoline tucked away in one corner.

I got to feed some animals at the Matakana Farm Park on another day out. Well, I had a little bag of food, and was standing by the fences ready to give it to the animals, but every time they would come close my courage deserted me. There would either be some big-horned goat or sharp-beaked chicken ready to peck at my hand, so in the end the feeding was more like me throwing bits of food through the fence for the animals to scavenge from the ground.

The holidays weren't all about heading away from home though. One of the things I got for Christmas was a cool new pool, so after waiting for half an hour while Mummy and Daddy struggled to put it together (not sure why it took so long - it was only a few pieces then adding some water), I got to have a splash around in it. Handy timing too because some days were very hot, so were perfect for a dip without leaving home.

So those are my summer holiday highlights so far. Luckily there's still plenty of summer left, so lots more opportunities for swims and getting out to fun new places. And Daddy tells me we're going for an overnight holiday soon too!

Time For a Rhyme

Singing silly songs

Originally published 21 December 2016

I enjoy a good song, especially if there’s a bit of silliness included. It’s fun to sing along to silly words, maybe even incorporate a silly dance to go with it. Most of the songs I learn at home are silly ones, mainly because Daddy makes them up to make me laugh I think. For example, here’s one he made up that we sing together:

Two little turds, swimming in a stream
Front door, back door, never to be seen

We learn new songs at daycare too, but they tend to be a bit less silly. They’re also more polite though! One of the earliest songs I learned was called Two Cupcakes; here I am doing a rendition of it.

Silly Things Adults Say

Winning the war of words

Originally published 17 December 2016

Every day I’m watching the things going on around me, listening to the things people say, and picking up new things I can say and do myself. Since I spend so much time with Mummy and Daddy it’s natural that a lot of what I pick up comes from them. Which is a shame, since sometimes they say such silly things…

Here’s one example: When the sun’s out I love to play in my sandpit, getting little piles of it into my pants and hair that I can then distribute by walking through the house. I also enjoy building little piles of sand outside the sandpit, so that my cars can drive over it or diggers can lift it. One time when I was in the middle of tipping sand out of my sandpit Mummy warned me with, "When the sand is gone, it's gone".

That’s not much of a revelation really. If she’d said “When the sand is gone, it will magically refill itself”, that would be impressive. But knowing that it’s gone when it’s gone – I could work that out for myself.

Another silly thing they say is when they’re trying to get me dressed. They’ll get as far as changing my nappy, then try to convince me to put on something I don’t want to wear by saying, "It’s pants or nothing".

That’s the surest way of me always picking "nothing", since it gets me out of wearing the thing I didn’t want to put on anyway. It’s not quite the reaction Mummy had in mind, so she probably should have thought that one through a little better.

Dinnertime is another occasion when silly sayings tend to come out, especially if they’re trying to convince me to eat something that looks like it belongs more in one of the cat’s dishes. Often there will be bribes involved to get me to eat more.

A week ago we all went to the daycare Christmas party, and when we sat down to have our picnic dinner I wanted to eat a yummy roll instead of the sausage they’d given me. Mummy pointed to a part of the sausage about half-way down, and said, "You can have a treat if you eat as far as that". So I then skipped most of the sausage and took a bite out of only where Mummy pointed. There you go – I ate exactly where you told me to, so pass me the treat please.

Now who’s the clever one?

Making Waves

Labour Weekend at Long Bay

Originally published 24 October 2016

The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue and cloudless; what's the best thing to do savour it? Daddy and I may have said stay inside and read a book, but since it's been raining so much this winter we thought we'd do something even more fun - an early morning walk along the beach.

So we hurriedly got ready and went up to Long Bay. It's a lovely, long stretch of sand that's perfect for riding my bike along or splashing among the waves. I was having a great time, but the longer I splashed about I became just a little less careful...

You'll notice how as soon as I kissed the sand both parents rushed into action to help; Mummy kept filming me and Daddy laughed heartedly behind her. Not that it worried me though, I just got straight back up and splashed back into the sea again.

It was a plan that none of us quite thought through properly thought, because after I'd finished and we were heading back towards the car again I started feeling cold and a bit miserable.

A rub down with a towel and a quick change of clothes back at the car, and I was all happy again. And looking forward to more fun trips to the beach when summer arrives.

Kick the Habits

Things I've picked up from Mum & Dad (or why it's not my fault)

Originally published 9 October 2016

When you're a growing young boy like me you're learning new things all the time. When I'm out in the car I learn the names of things by asking the other passengers incessantly what they're called until they give in and shout the answer to me. When I'm at daycare I learn about how to play with others and how to wangle extra lunch by scoffing each course so quickly that the teachers don't think I've actually been served yet.

But the way I learn most of my new things is at home, and specifically from Mum and Dad. There are always new books to read when Dad orders them from the library, so that helps me pick up new words. But it's not all good learning like this. There are a whole range of other less laudable habits that I'm picking up from them. They might not even realise I'm learning and copying them, until I start doing them as well. So basically, none of these are my fault...

In an earlier blog I mentioned that my vocabulary was better than William's; not altogether surprising given his current level is gurgling and dribbling. But my vocabulary doesn't compare with Dad's; shame that most of his are naughty words that I'm starting to pick up. For example, after we've woken up and had a cuddle in bed, Dad will sometimes have a big stretch and say "ah, shit", so naturally I copy him and say the same thing. The repeat it again when Mum comes in later, which normally ends up with a rebuke for Dad.

After that we'll get our morning drinks to have in bed while reading a few of my books; Dad has his coffee and I have my milk. Dad loves his morning coffee so much that following a particularly satisfying mouthful he'll say "ahh, this is the tits" (which I think = "delicious"). Which then means I learn that phrase too and say it myself after a swig of milk. Cue another stern look from Mum in Dad's direction.

Something they're both guilty of, and which I've also picked up, is excessive eating of biccies. The sort of eating where they open a pack, pour them all into a container, then munch on them after dinner, until 10 minutes later someone reaches for the empty container and says "we'll need to add biscuits to the shopping list". So naturally I'm also now in the mindset of wanting biccies after dinner; sometimes I won't even have finished dinner before I'm asking for biccies.

And this one is especially not my fault because the biccies are actually supposed to be mine in the first place. They're an Oliver snack, not a parent snack. If I helped myself to something of theirs, like walked into the kitchen and poured myself a nice gin & tonic, I'm sure they'd not be best impress either. So they've only got themselves to blame for me demanding biccies after meals.

Another bad habit I've picked up is being mean to cats. That's actually another one I learned from Dad, which seems to be where most of the bad habits come from (did Mum actually do her diligence on this guy before they got married?). Dad and I both love cats, but at the same time seem to like torturing them. Come summer time when Dad's unrolling the hose to water the garden you just know one of the cats is going to get soaked. And not just with the gentle setting either - the full-on jet of water one. Suddenly there's a "meow" followed by a ginger streak as a cat goes tearing across the lawn to hide amongst the trees.

All of which goes some way to explaining why I pounce on the cats with such regularity; lying on them when they're trying to eat or forcing myself into their space on a chair when they're trying to sleep. It's probably a sort of tough love type of thing, it's just that in the Hartlands we tend to make it very touch on the cats.

So that's pretty much the case for the defense - blame these things on Mum and Dad, because they started it. And naturally in time-honoured fashion I'll now be doing my best to pass these bad habits onto William...

Water Fun Time - It's Souper

The science of High Fliers

Originally published 18 September 2016

These days I only go to daycare 3 times a week, but we get to do lots of cool things when I'm there. And it's not just about running around collecting bruises or getting as much sand from the sandpit into my clothes as possible. We've also been learning things about science and nature.

Like when we had visits from turtles and Eddie the blue tongue lizard. The turtles were in a big pool of water and I wasn't too sure about putting my hand in there, but eventually I tried giving them a pat. They certainly didn't feel anything like patting a cat, but then they also didn't try and run away from me like the cats normally do. It is nice to have some animal friends visit though, especially after all the goldfish have gone.

Another time we celebrated Maori New Year with a special Matariki week, where we all made soup and Maori bread. For the soup, each of us had to bring a vegetable along to use in it, so I took a carrot. All the veges were cut up for the soup one day, then we got to eat it the next day. Hopefully no-one brought any yucky pumpkin, but luckily the soup was yummy anyway.

The teachers at daycare obviously don't mind living dangerously, because another time we were let loose for a day of water fun. Out came the hoses and water balloons, and pretty soon everything was starting to get pretty wet. I didn't quite have the same reaction to the water balloons as the other kids though. While they were throwing theirs onto the ground to explode and splash water out, I wanted to carefully hold onto mine so that they didn't break.

I think having my baby brother William at home is rubbing off on me at daycare too. We have a few dolls to play with there, and rather than just playing with them I've now started doing things like using paper towels to clean their bottom. It feels like looking after them a bit like Mummy does with cleaning William's bottom. Not that I ever actually help Mum with doing that; handing her nappies to use is one thing, but actually getting mess all over my hands is another thing entirely. I'm stll more a mess-maker than a cleaner.

Top 3 Reasons I'm Still Number 1

Why I'm better than William

Originally published 28 August 2016

It's been nearly 4 months since my little brother William joined the family, and he's certainly made an instant impression. Take those times he vomits up his milk; they've made quite an impression on the couch. Certainly more patterned now.

Despite things like that he is pretty adorable. But just to keep things in perspective, and to reinforce that I'm still king of this castle, here's 3 top reasons why I'm best.

1. Hair

If you compare my thick head of hair with William's you'll see there's a pretty clear winner. William had quite a lot of dark hair when he was born, but every time he rolls his head around in his bassinet or has a bath he loses another clump. Now he looks a little bit like he went to the barber to get his head shaved, then changed his mind and pulled out halfway through.

2. Sleep

William quite enjoys sleep when he has it, but boy does he kick up a fuss when he's being put down. Mum says he's a very stubborn little boy. Dad says he gets that from his Mum, but then he would say that. When Mum has spent half an hour rocking William in his bassinet to get him to sleep, then he wakes up 40 minutes later ready to get up again, I certainly hear some new words from her mouth. Which brings me to words...

3. Vocab

I love my books so I'm picking up new words all the time. I can rock out "conservatory" or "stethoscope" without any trouble (Dad was keen that my first word was "ostensibly", but that proves he doesn't visit reality that often), but all William has mastered so far is a cheerful gurgle. To be fair, he may be saying "gargle" or even "gregarious" but I'm going to assume not.

Obviously William will get better with all these things as he grows up more (well, hopefully the hair will get better for his sake), but since I'm also growing up into a big boy, I reckon I'm still going to stay number 1!

No Time Like the Present

Birthday bonanza

Originally published 16 July 2016

The good thing about having a birthday in the middle of the year is that I'm never more than a few months away from presents, cake and then more presents. June has turned into birthday month in the Hartlands since my cousin Ben's birthday is just 2 days after mine. Cunningly I often manage to get a present myself even when it is his birthday.

My third birthday started with some pressies in bed. The theme this year seemed to be my favourite TV shows, because I got some Wiggles undies (which I should be able to start wearing soon now that I'm a big boy using the potty), and Bob the Builder would make an appearance later.

Later that morning we had a birthday party at home with all the grandparents. I immediately got into the birthday spirit by asking everyone who came to the door what they had for me. Fortunately they had all brought me things so I didn't have to turn anyone away. I must remember how successful this was when Christmas comes around...

Bob the Builder (the TV series, not Grandpa) is my absolute favourite thing at the moment, so Mummy had made a cool cake with Bob, Scoop, Lofty and the others on it. It was brought out and put on the table with three candles alight. Everyone told me to blow the candles out, so I came closer, going "fffffff"... and that's when it all went a little wrong. My face started to feel very warm and around my eyes began to tingle a bit. When I stepped back hurriedly Mummy npticed that I'd burnt my eyelashes while leaning over to blow out the candles!

 

Next weekend it was part 2 of the birthday bonanza, when we went to our cousin's house for Ben's second birthday. The three older boys played a game of pass the parcel, which was not only fun but also ensured that when I went home later it was another pressie in my hands!

We also raided Jake's toys, and it turns out that he likes dressing up in costumes. So Uncle Dave helped me get dressed up as a pirate and a policeman. It was lots of fun, though after rushing about in my policeman costume I did need to put myself under a-rest for sleep later on.

Living a Double Life

Welcoming William

Originally published 18 May 2016

Back at the end of last year we found out that our little famly would be expanding. Not to adding a pet dinosaur or some more cats, as I'd have liked, but with another boy. I was going to be a big brother! Over the next few months Mummy tried to get me used to the idea by telling me that the baby was growing in her tummy, and so I introduced myself by talking to him through her belly button (well, that's what they're for, right?).

Mummy finished working at the end of April and just over a week later it was all on - baby was coming! On Tuesday 10th May, baby William came into the world, and later that day Daddy picked me up from daycare to take me to the hospital so I could welcome William into the world.

He looked tiny lying in Mummy's arms; like a little rag doll. We're obviously both very courteous gentlemen since we each gave gifts to the other - I gave William a husky cuddly toy, and he gave me a toy car and truck. On the following day when Daddy took me to the hospital to see them again, I asked him what the present would be for me that time. Oh well, no harm in trying...

A couple of days later the doctors said they could go home, so Daddy and I went to pick them both up from the hospital and take them home. Since then William spends his time split between feeding and sleeping in his bassinette, so I don't think he'll be playing cars and reading books with me any time soon. I do think he's very cute though, and often pat him a little bit like he's a cat. I've even been able to hold him a couple of times, though only with Mummy hovering close by.

Now that William's here it seems Mummy has a bit of a new role; she spends hardly any time playing and a lot of time feeding William milk, though I still haven't quite worked out the difference between the milk he has and the stuff Daddy gets for me from the fridge. It's just one of the things I'm sure I'll learn soon as I get to know my little brother better. If Mummy and Daddy thought they had a full life before, they haven't seen anything yet!

Things I Don't Like

From one end to the other

Originally published 30 April 2016

A little while ago I listed some of the things I like most, like books (specifically reading and having read to me the same few books repeatedly, until Mummy and Daddy can recite them by heart) and cats (specifically chasing them and sitting on them while they're eating). But in the interest of fairness I thought it was time to list a few of the things that I just don't like as well. The sort of things that will have me protesting loudly or running away from crying.

One of the traits I inherited from Daddy is a bit of a juicy nose. Most mornings I start the day with a few hearty sneezes; it's sort of the dawn chorus for Mum and Dad in our house. Unfortunately one thing I just don't like doing is blowing my nose. Having it wiped is fine, but even with repeated requests I just won't blow it. Sometimes to give Mum false hope I'll tell her that I'll blow my nose, then instead I'll just sniff it all back up again.

Fluff is something else I just don't like, which is a bit of a problem since I spend so much time playing on the floor and grabbing the cats' fur. But if I get some fluff on my hands, especially if I'm eating, that will send me running to Mum or Dad yelling "fluff! fluff!" until it's removed.

Going back to my first days of 'double breakfasts' at daycare, I've always been a good eater. I love biccies, pizza, pasta, raisins... lots of things in fact. But not eggs or tomato ("mato" as I call them). If I see them in my salads or sandwiches I'll quickly pull them out and leave them on the plate, if not actually cast them onto the floor. In true parent fashion, Mummy will sometimes try to snek tomatoes into things, but since I'm always on the lookout for these horrible things I rarely get sucked into eating them.

I'll be turning 3 in a couple of months, so am quite a big boy now. My vocabularly is expanding all the time, I run around and play on my own or with friends at daycare, and I'm starting to get a better handle on numbers. But one thing I'm just not ready for is using the potty. Nappies work just fine for me thank you; no need to squat on the cold floor with my pants off just to go toilet when I can do it whenever I please without any hassle. Mummy and Daddy keep trying to encourage me, but I'm wising up to their game and make myself scarce when I can see they're about to try to get me to go again. Maybe they're just jealous that they don't have handy nappies too.

The Lexicon of Ollie

Mispronounced words

Originally published 12 March 2016

Learning to speak English is hard work. Well, learning any language is hard work really. Look at Daddy - three years learning Japanese and he can barely speak a word of it. So since I'm not even three years old yet, it's no surprise that I'm still getting to grips with some of the words.

That's part of the reason why some words I don't quite get right, but then there are others where the way I like to pronounce them have stuck, to the extent that even Mummy and Daddy call them this now. These are some of my favourite ones that have stuck around for a while.

"Beketts" - breakfast (usually weetbix, banana and milk)

"Bunken" - broken (often something not actually broken, but which needs Mummy intervention to fix)

"Cukky" - cuddly (my sleepytime friend in the picture above: a purple one for home and a blue one for daycare)

"Getaboo" - peek-a-boo (usually said when I'm hiding in the pantry or behind a door)

"What that one noise?" - what's that noise (a phrase more than a word, like in the video below)

A Job Well Done

What will I be when I grow up?

Originally published 8 February 2016

One game that parents seem to like to play is guessing what their babies are going to be when they grow up. Maybe it's partly from wishing the babies would get older and move out of home... But some parents seem to get a bit carried away with looking for special skills in their kids that aren't really there. Like the boy who scuffs a kick sideways off his shoe and his Daddy thinks he'll play for the All Blacks. Or the girl who blows into a whistle with her nose and her Mummy thinks she'll lead an orchestra one day.

It's much too far in the future for me to even think about growing up; I've got far too much fun to have in the terrible twos yet! But I did think I could help Mummy and Daddy out a little bit if they ever feel tempted to play the game. There are a few things I do which just might suggest certain types of jobs when I grow up.

It's fair to say I have a very hands-on relationship with our cats. Which means hands grabbing them when they're sleeping, or squashing them when they're eating, or even lifting them up almost off the ground. This roughing up of the cats surely means a career as a vet is on the cards. Maybe just a vet with a questionable bedside manner; the sort of vet you wouldn't take your favourite pet to. Sure I'd look after it, but it still might come out with one or two bruises more than it went in with.

One of my favourite Christmas presents was my Magna Doodle, where I can scribble pictures of trucks, aeroplanes and animals. As well as drawing I'm also quite fond of critiquing other people's artwork, like when Grandma was trying to draw an aeroplane of her own. Since I can definitely spot someone drawing something that looks very little like an aeroplane, I think being an art critic could be a job for me.

Another good thing about Christmas was that my car collection expanded from just a couple to well over a dozen. I have great fun playing with them and lining them all up, but not just in any lines - these are very ordered, straight lines, where I'm quick to tell Daddy off if he puts a car in the wrong place. I'm sure I'll soon be ordering them by size, colour, type... So something pretty ordered for a job would suit me just fine; maybe setting tables for the Queen or other royalty, where every knife and bread roll has to be in just the right spot.

I'm sure every year I get older I'll have a better idea of what I want to do when I grow up. Maybe I'll tell Mummy I want to be a singer just to be able to justify yelling at the top of my lungs. Or I'll tell Daddy I want to be a writer so he doesn't tell me off when I'm taking down his books from the shelf. Never mind the parents - this could be a very fun game for me too!

A Very Merry Christmas

Diggers and doodles

Originally published 23 January 2016

Is it Christmas already? It seems like only yesterday that I was getting things bought for me. Actually it was only yesterday; that's the benefit of being a little boy - people are constantly buying things for you.

But Christmas takes everything up to another level - more presents, more food, more running around playing. This year I'm also starting to be aware of Santa; not so much about the big jolly man who delivers all the presents, but more the little ornament who hangs from lots of Christmas tree branches and the chocolate version that I get to eat every day when we open the advent calendar.

One thing I always enjoy getting are more cars and trucks. This year I got a big dump truck and a digger, which I've lined up along the wall with my rubbish truck and fire engine. The lounge is starting to look a bit like a construction site, which is just the way I like it.

Painting and drawing are things I really enjoy doing at daycare; in fact, most days when Mummy and Daddy ask me what I did at daycare that day I say "painting", even if I haven't. Now I can do some drawing at home too, and in a way that won't cover the walls with colour like an explosion in a paint factory. My Magna Doodle is great for drawing animals and vehicles on; most of the things I draw are just sqiggly lines at the moment though. Maybe I'm more of an impressionist artist.

And best of all I've now got somewhere I can sit to do my drawing or eat my food. In the corner of the lounge are my very own table and chairs, just at the perfect height for me to use. Unfortunately they're not quite as perfect for Mummy and Daddy, who have to become a bit of a contortionist to sit on the chair with legs under the table.

Later in the morning we went out to meet up with the rest of Daddy's side of the family. As well as more presents to open, including an outdoor sports set and some t-shirts, I had a great time running around with my cousins Jake and Ben. Nothing brings out the rascal in me quite as much as playing with them.

Next Christmas will be a bit different though since there'll be an extra little person there as well - my little brother, currently growing in Mummy's tummy. Which should mean even more toys to play with!

Double Trouble

Oliver's going to be a big brother

Originally published 20 November 2015

It's pretty much a given that I'm king of the castle in our house. It used to be Daddy, when he lived there on his own, then it was the cats when they all took over, but these days it's undeniably me. The day starts when I get up, regardless of whether everyone else is still in bed asleep, and it pretty much unfolds around what I want to do, when I need to nap and so on.

So it came as a bit of a surprise when Mummy and Daddy told me that I'd soon be sharing the house with a little brother or sister - Mummy was 13 weeks pregnant! Thinking back, 13 weeks ago was about when we were on our family holiday in Australia. Hmm...

Mummy and Daddy had been to have a scan in the morning, and when they got back they told me the news. They also showed me some pictures of the baby inside Mummy's tummy. The pictures were black and white, and sometimes not very clear, so they'd obviously used a cheap photographer. I blame Daddy for that. But I could really see that there was a little baby there. In a couple of the pictures it even seemed to be waving; a bit like it was saying "see you soon".

I am quite excited about having a new friend at home to play with. So much so that as well as telling people that Mummy has a baby in her tummy, I've been telling people that I have a baby in my tummy too. And even Robbie, my favourite ginger cat, has a baby in his tummy. What I'm lacking in anatomical accuracy I'm making up for in enthusiasm, at least.

So in May next year our little family is going to have an extra member in it. Will it be a little brother or little sister for me? We'll know in about 6 weeks...

Bad Things Come In Twos

The Terrible Twos

Originally published 15 October 2015

No, this isn't a story about a bad trip to the toilet (that would be the terrible number twos), but rather about that stage of life known to parents everywhere as the terrible twos. These last few months I've been working on a few behavioural modifications of my own in honour of this magical time.

Throwing things - The terrible twos are a great time to really work on your arm muscles and throwing skills. The bigger and heavier the object, and the furthest they're thrown, the better. Hurling toys across the lounge is a good one, as is heaving bits of food from the high chair during dinner. You may not reach the television, or Mummy and Daddy, first time, but practice will make perfect.

Being contrary - It's like when you check the calendar and find that today is opposite day, where everything said is the opposite of what you mean or want. Except that it isn't just one day - it's every day. One of my favourites is waiting until Daddy is sitting down to read me a bedtime story, then asking for Mummy to do it; when he doesn't move I then start to pull his sleeve to drag him out of the chair. This one is always good for a colourful response from them.

Selective deafness - This has a thousand uses, but is best employed when you need to ignore your name being called. Mummy calling me to get in the car to go to daycare when I want to run across the garden instead? No problem - can't hear a thing. Daddy calling me to come and get dressed after a bath when I want to play with my cars? Daddy may as well be on mute. Mummy yelling for me to come and get my teeth cleaned to go out when I want to chase one of the cats? Oh sorry, was that me you were calling?

Being negative - An oldie but a goodie, this is all about being as negative as possible. At its simplest it can be answering "no" to most questions (with extra kudos for saying "no" to something you actually want to do, yet still managing to persuade Mummy and Daddy to let you do it), but also to things like saying food is universally "yucky". With a bit of practice it's easy to become as negative as an undeveloped roll of film.

With the end of 2015 approaching and the terrible twos nearly halfway through, Mummy and Daddy probably think they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately for them, other parents have warned that there are often closely-followed sequels, known as the terrible threes and the (insert f-word expletive) fours. Maybe that light at the end of the tunnel is an approaching freight train after all...

Ollie Takes Aussie

A high koala-ty holiday

Originally published 16 September 2015

Mummy and Daddy love to travel. Before I came along Mummy visited lots of amazing places and saw tons of exotic animals in Africa; Daddy appears to have wandered around Europe looking at ruins and living like a pauper. But I was keen to get in on the act too. Last year was my first taste of travelling, going down to Queenstown for Mummy and Daddy's honeymoon. But this year it was even further - going overseas to Australia. And put away that chequebook, because Grandma and Grandad were paying!

At the beginning of September we were flying to Mooloolaba on the Sunshine Coast to spend 8 days with the Hartlands: Grandma, Grandad, Uncle Dave, Aunty Jemma and my cousins Jake and "Baby Ben". Preparations were quite intensive; Mummy spent a full day getting all the packing and arrangements finalised, while Daddy taught me to say "g'day mate" (though at least he stopped short of attempting "flaming nora" or "strewth").

It all started a bit inauspiciously with a 90 minute delay at the airport, sitting in the plane on the tarmac waiting for something to be fixed before we could take off. At least my new buddy Jake was in the seats in front of me, so I craftily managed to procure one of his books, a toy and even his plate of breakfast! You can maybe tell I've scoffed a bit in the picture of the two of us above...

That pic was taken at Australia Zoo, one of the most fun things we did on the holiday. It's a huge place filled with animals, including some like kangaroos, wombats and koalas that I'd never seen before. I even got to pat a koala, though since it was asleep and unmoving it could possibly have been a fake one; I should have checked for a gift shop tag on it.

We also watched a great show in the Crocoseum, with a display of brightly-coloured birds flying around and a couple of keepers wrangling a crocodile. There was so much to see at the zoo that I spent quite a bit of time running between things, which explained the cuts and scrapes over both my knees by the end of the day.

The Sunshine Coast was where I discoved a love of the water. My previous experience, early last year down at Mount Maunganui, only lasted about 30 seconds, but in Australia the water is so much warmer and nicer. I had my first proper paddles in the sea at Mooloolaba and Noosa beaches, which were great fun, as well as making sandcastles. It was especially good to get out in the fresh air at Noosa after I'd vomited in the car on the ride there. Hope the car rental company have a good Rug Doctor.

There's so many fun places for a family to visit on the Sunshine Coast. On the day we were originally supposed to go to the zoo it was pelting with rain, so while Daddy moaned about taking the tourism board to task over the Consumer Guarantees Act with their use of the name Sunshine Coast, we walked down to the nearby Sealife Centre instead. I enjoyed racing around with Jake, looking at all the different fishes and underwater creatures.

At a fun place called The Ginger Factory we got to have a ride on a train and a boat. The factory is all about making ginger, and I ate a yummy gingerbread man for afternoon tea, but the rides were what made it fun. The train went through the grounds and around the outside of the buildings, but the boat ride was inside, taking a voyage sailing past musical displays of people from different countries around the world, with gingerbread men hiding out in each display along the way.

We visited a town called Maleny to walk around the botanical gardens and see the views across to the Glass House Mountains; they're the big glass-shaped mounds behind me in the picture above, except my attention is more on my half-eaten biccie. The Gardens also had an aviary, where we could walk inside to have dozens of birds fly around us and settle on our shoulders.

It turned out that the biggest threat wasn't from the birds though, but a goat which managed to get inside the caged room where we'd left my pram. By the time anyone had noticed and shooed it away, it had unpacked a couple of things from my bag and eaten a serviette. Lucky it didn't find my stash of biccies.

Sadly it eventually came time to head for home and swap our t-shirts for jumpers. Everyone had had a great holiday; it was nice spending more time with Grandma and Grandad, and getting to know my cousins better. We were out and about doing so much that I was exhausted every night and went to sleep in my portacot without any trouble. Of course, the small pile of books and increasing number of cuddly toys I accrued during the trip certainly helped! I'm definitely ready now for another overseas adventure.

My Favourite Things

Or 'Best ways to annoy those I live with'

Originally published 20 August 2015

Unravelling half the roll of toilet paper onto the floor, throwing pieces of dinner across the lounge, kicking my legs about when my nappy's being changed... there are so many enjoyable ways for me to pass the time. There really is never a dull moment when there's Mummy and Daddy to torment. But since these generally make them both turn red in the face and get all shouty, I have a few other favourite things that are less likely to cause a Hartland meltdown. These are the ones at the top of my list.

1. Reading - ever since my first book, 'My Day' ("Time to eat; yummy lunch, shiny bib"), I've loved to read; or at least, have books read to me. Most days I'll start demanding a book just after I've woken up, and request a small handful just before bedtime. Books with animals have always been favourites, as have ones with lift-up flaps and funny textures, but lately I'm especially enjoying some about dinosaurs, pirates and robots. Not all in the same book - though that would be a great book!

2. Trucks and other vehicles - I'm not sure where my interest in vehicles comes from; maybe from Grandad or Grandpa, as it certainly isn't from Daddy. I'm not sure he knows one end of a car from the other; there's as much chance of me changing a spark plug as him. But despite this I love playing with my ever-expanding collection of trucks and cars. The green rubbish truck and red fire engine from my birthday are my current faves, but I'll try to get as many out of my toy box and onto the lounge carpet as I can to play with at the same time.

There's a rubbish truck that goes past our house every week, and I always rush over to watch it from the windows. Driving that does seem a pretty cool job, even if the men don't sound their horn or blast any sirens as often as I would if I were behind the wheel.

3. Helping in the garden - we've got a pretty big garden, so there's always something that needs doing in it and that I can help with. Daddy often complains about how much work it is to maintain, saying that at one time there were 11 different trees or bushes on the front garden alone to have to mow the lawn around. Moan, moan, moan...

So I help as much as I can, using my trusty trowel and green wheelbarrow. I'll watch Mummy and Daddy pulling out weeds from the garden, so I'll use the trowel to do the same - even if it's often digging up dirt or the lawn itself. The wheelbarrow is handy too, but the rides when I sit in it and Daddy pushes me around are even better.

4. Cats - if there's anything I love (or just love to torment) more than Mummy and Daddy it's our 3 cats. It's a bit of a one-way love affair though, as while I'll yell out their name and rush over to them when I see them, they tend to look startled and rush the other way. It could be due to my tendency to lean, lie and sit on them whenever they're not quick enough to get away. But if they didn't want to be treated like that, then they shouldn't feel like comfy fluffy cushions.

So those are some of my current fave things to do. I'd make a longer list but I see there's a new toilet roll on the holder that needs to be unravelled...

Turning Two With Tents & Trucks

It's Elmo-tastic!

Originally published 24 June 2015

I think Mummy and Daddy will need to look for a bigger house soon, or at least look at building a special new Oliver extension to our house, after the mammoth present-receiving event that was my second birthday. Slowly but surely pieces of furniture are being moved out in favour of more space being taken up by my ever-growing toy collection. Just yesterday I saw Daddy moving his tower of CDs out of the lounge; good riddance to most of them, too.

Quite cunningly I managed to eke my birthday out over several days, starting on Friday when Mummy and Daddy gave me the first batch of gifts. There was a cool indoor tent covered in dinosaurs, a new bag for daycare also with dinosaurs, a toy rubbish truck and, of course, a book - The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Trucks (and buses) are a couple of the things that fascinate me the most at the moment, so the rubbish truck was probably my favourite.

Mummy and Daddy had taken the day off work, which meant I had a bit of time to play with everything before being dropped off at daycare so that they could go and see Jurassic World at the movies. There was a bit of an underlying dinosaur theme to the day, now that I think about it.

Sunday was all about the birthday party. Mummy had spent hours making and decorating my cake, colourfully featuring my favourite character - Elmo! The party was quite Elmo-tastic actually, with big pictures of him up on the walls and special Elmo napkins. Thankfully Daddy didn't go as far as dressing up in an Elmo outfit or I'd have had to disown him and leave the country.

June is a popular birthday month for the Hartland boys, with cousin Ben's birthday just 2 days after mine, so the party was a joint one for my second birthday and baby Ben's first. It was a full house when everyone turned up at 2pm, with all my grandparents, plus great-grandma and great-aunt on Daddy's side, and Aunty Jemma's parents. Everyone arrived with gifts though, so I didn't have to turn any away.

I was really spoiled with all the great presents - a toy lawnmower, wheelbarrow, farm set, fire engine, animal jigsaw, bike and a framed Cat in the Hat cross-stitch that Nana made. There was tons of yummy food too, so "cake" and "biccies" were words used frequently whenever my plate was empty and I needed to give someone a prompt to replenish it.

It was a great birthday with lots of toys to play with, lots of food to eat and lots of appearances by Elmo. Can't wait for the next birthday for more of the same; maybe I should convince Mummy and Daddy that we need another party soon since I'm Elmost three!

Off the Rails

Trains = tears

Originally published 28 April 2015

It was a beautiful summer's afternoon; the sun was out, the birds were chirping happily, I was running about chasing rabbits... then someone suggested going on this big, scary train and it all turned to custard. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

As somewhere a bit different to visit, not far from home, we went for a family trip out to the Whangaparoa Railway. It's not a very big place, but it packs in some animals, a playground, some native bush and a fully-fuctioning steam train. So far so good.

Normally animals are my favourite parts of any adventure. I'm well-known for ignoring Mummy and Daddy entirely if I see a cat, bird, or anything else about that size that I can chase. There were a few rabbit hutches that we were able to walk around in, so I had great fun trying to catch one. Never quite managed it, but that's probably because every time I moved near one Mum was two steps behind ready to yank me away.

I'm a little more cautious when it comes to the bigger animals though. There was a goat and some sheep, munching grass in the middle of a paddock, and we walked through some native bush to see a couple of donkeys.

Mummy thought I might like to see one up close, so took me right up to the gate, but I wasn't quite sure about that. Couldn't she see the sign on the gate warning visitors? Not that I could read it of course, but the word "bite" should have been a bit of a note of caution for her right?

Since I survived the encounter with the biting donkeys, we walked on to one of the playgrounds. This felt much safer - nothing with big teeth and a 'that baby looks tasty' look in its eyes to give me the willies. I had a great time driving some pretend cars and trucks.

There was a cool playhouse with slide as well, which Mummy took me for a few slides on. I think she was keen for a go herself, but only little kids allowed on this ride.

And that's probably where the day should have ended. But it didn't. It ended with being packed aboard this noisy, smoking, smelly contraption and racing around a track between trees. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly racing, but it was very noisy and smoky. If it had been a pretend train, like the pretend cars and trucks, it would have been fine, but I definitely didn't enjoy the full-motion version. Nice of Dad to take a photo too!

Luckily I've got the Hartland food-loving genes though, so I was able to be mollified by some snacks when we eventually got off the scary train of death. I think from my reaction to it that it will be a while before Mum and Dad take me on another one. But I'll be ready for them just in case; as soon as I see big wheels sitting on rails, I'm legging it for the nearest exit.

No Mean Frowns in Queenstown

Honeymoon or Family Holiday?

Originally published 23 January 2015

Mummy and Daddy expected it to be a honeymoon, but when I'm added into the mix it turns a little different. Not that I'd have let them go off on their own down to Queenstown anyway, even if they had just got married a couple of days earlier. New Zealand's alpine wonderland in delightful early Summer? No way was I missing the chance to go on my first plane flight!

It was a family holiday of firsts really. My first time on an aeroplane, my first visit to the South Island and Daddy's first nervous breakdown. No, not really. I'll try harder on the next holiday though.

The plane trip down to Queenstown was actually pretty good. I'd planned to kick up a bit of a ruckus if I felt hemmed in or bored, but in the end was distracted with books and snacks, and even ended up having a little sleep.

When we landed we picked up our rental car and drove to the great place Mummy had organised for us to stay at, looking out across the beautifully blue Lake Wakatipu. Inside it was a bit strange though; a nice open upstairs area, but a darker downstairs area with lots of nooks and crannies. Daddy seemed to delight in hiding my dirty nappies in the various rubbish bins the rooms had. I wonder if they've found them all yet?

Since it was my first time down in Queenstown, we decided to visit a few of the tourist hotspots. One of the first, and certainly the most expensive, was taking the Skyline gondola up to the top of the mountain. We could see for miles from up there, right across the town, lake and mountains. Naturally I stayed right by Mummy's side and always came when she called me...

We took a drive to the tiny village of Arrowtown, which was famous for being part of the gold rush in the area a long time ago. The only prospecting going on these days was me angling for some of the homemade fudge Mummy & Daddy bought in a shop there by incessantly reaching for some and saying "ta" until they gave in.

Later it was time for a boat cruise on the lake. Maybe I was a bit tired by the time we got on board, maybe the movement of the boat was making me sleepy, or maybe looking at water for an hour isn't actually that interesting, but I was quite restless during the cruise. There wasn't far I could walk and I wasn't allowed to go up on the open air top deck. They did let me steer the boat for a minute at one point though, which was fun. Captain Ollie at the helm!

Queenstown was a good place to go for my first overseas (well, sort of) adventure. The town centre's nice and small, with lots of places that I could have a run around in close by - the botanic gardens, a playground, the wharf area. It may not have been the honeymoon that Mummy & Daddy were thinking of, but I reckon it was made even better by my being there. Go Captain Ollie!